I'm starting up a daily magical journal again today. I keep a Leuchtturm1917 journal that I have been sporadic with. I'm preparing to embark upon some magical training and thought that until I officially start, I would make some public entries - not that they will be that interesting, but perhaps helpful to someone somewhere.
Day of Saturn
Hour of Saturn
Sun in Sag
Moon in Virgo
This has been a trying day, namely due to family issues heating up.The time is quickly coming where passivity in the matter is not optional and assertion is inevitable. A pile of money would solve this problem and so many more. In this indeterminate time however, I simply continue to put one foot in front of the other, which I hardly have the energy for. Altogether life's problems produce an exhausting effect upon one's person.
Kelly and I have been on a plant-based diet and routine of light yoga and mediation, as prescribed by Dr. Ornish's program. I have not partaken of any libations in quite a while now. The transition to a healthy lifestyle is where the annoyance lay. I feel not quite into full adaption. In the meantime I've been consuming massive amounts of caffeine, which is getting tiresome a chore.
As Kelly is beginning to pick up the fundamental praxis and theoria of meditation and yoga, I tonight am branching off from the Ornish methodology into beginning pranayama and asanas as well as Raja yoga.
Raja yoga is a focusing of the attention through the will. This is highly underdeveloped in our society, yet some naturally come about it in particular ways, most notably in academia, professional sports, etcetera - the majority of people however, by cultural consequence, lack the attention for success in any area of life.
Pranayama is breath work. Asanas are postures. I'm beginning the 4 simple poses found in Crowley's Liber E - the god, ibis, dragon and thunderbolt. I know this will throw many who are immersed into the modern secularized mindfulness movement into shit fits. It is the starting place I have chosen, but have not limited myself to.
Tonight was my very first go at pranayama and asana. I sat in the god pose and alternated nostrils - breathing in for 10 seconds and our for 20 seconds. I could only manage about 3 alternations before I would have to stop and breath through my mouth. I felt as if my lung capacity simply was not efficient, and had the feeling of not being able to breathe properly again for several minutes. I too became aware of how swollen my tonsils felt. For the rest of the time I simply sat in the asana and breathed normally. Slowly the "detached" feeling came. Then my back started hurting. I've been having pain below my lower right shoulder blade along with a stiff neck and sore right foot. I believe these are all connected and developed from now over 5 years of doing 40 hours a week of repetitious manual labor. The thought came to me that I really need out of this job - that thought comes very often - and that I need to start a regular regimen of yogic exercise, perhaps together with body weight training or some weight training. As I'm losing weight on this diet, I hope all these combined will resolve the issues, because I rather die than go to a doctor for any reason.
I will finish tonight in bed my daily magical routine by astrally performing the lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram and middle pillar ritual. I've been doing this for probably a couple of weeks now - since Kelly's last night terror which was particularly horrifying for both of us. She awoke screaming and thrashing but was not responsive to me - she was still asleep. In a few moments she became cognizant of me and began crying. She had awoken to a shadow woman in grey dress and green sweater with scraggly hair putting her arm out towards Kelly. Kelly said she was aware of me but that I appeared to her as a black blob. In the morning Kelly's pillow case was on the floor. She thinks the entity was reaching out to pull the pillow case off. This was not the first time this shadow thing had been seen. It first showed up in my dream after my Lunar Initiation. I made a doll of it the same day. Then Kelly began having night terrors. Seeing it standing in our bedroom. It bit her finger the time before this - she was sound asleep and woke up saying something had jabbed her in the arm. 15 minutes later she woke up again screaming saying something had bitten her. I looked at her finger. It had an indentation on it that was turning red and stayed red into the next day.
As I said, since astrally performing LBRP at night, there have been no night terrors. She has had these periodically throughout her life. Based on my experiences with her having them they are obviously taking place in the hypnogogic state or whatever word you want to use for astral. Quite commonly there are entities, a few have been terrifying to her in a way she says she had not experienced since childhood. Others are highly symbolic. After the Lunar initiation of mine she awoke to a metallic turbine with rust or old orange paint that was at my head. She was afraid it was going to decapitate me. Within that same time period she awoke to three pillars at the end of the bed. She knows nothing of Yesod or Qabalah and so I took it as a clear message about my Lunar initiation: Foundation. This is one of the reasons I believe such things as health practices, yoga, meditation, diet, etcetera came into both our lives shortly thereafter. These are foundational.