Breaking the Matrix

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The Sun, Mercury and Venus are all in Aries, with Mercury being retrograde, and Mars in Capricorn. Since December of last year, as Saturn came into Capricorn, I've become aware of my limitations, and have a burning desire to obliterate them. To utterly destroy them. 

I just sent my first $293 of profit from my Robinhood account into my checking account, while retaining the equity that made me that return. This is extremely unsatisfactory, but better than I suppose most do within their first 90 days in the stock market. I will approach satisfaction when I can deposit 5k a week. I want wealth now. I want retribution for the years that I wasted away, idiot and impotent and proudly poverty stricken from within Christianity, where such is a badge of honor in humiliation. Where weakness and failure are praised, and death is called out to, as the promised day, where all wrongs endured will be suddenly turned right. I am done with the cult of death.

I want the life I always dreamed of as a child. In the present. I will not be ashamed of wanting life while alive. Of embracing the natural inclinations of all living beings. I want wealth now, while I have the health and stamina to enjoy it fully. And yet I am held in check by limitations which have piled upon each other for not only the last 38 years of my life, but the limitations piled on by the failures of my father, my mother, my grandparents, my great grandparents. Generations stomped down into the dirt and held there by the church - which commanded loyalty, tithe and time. Which kept them ignorant and weak, so as to be easily manipulated into lives of meaninglessness and subjection. And for those who broke away, they did not escape psychologically. They left to only be ridden by guilt and shame and the belief they did not meet the standard these asshole Pharisees pretend to attain. 

Last weekend was a return to the Sphere of Venus, this weekend will be entry into Saturn. I need these limitations lifted, while I have all the fire and fury of Geburah running in my blood. Hermetic Magicians are not called to an ascetic life of cowering in contemplation. Fuck the pomposity of holy hypocrites. I will rule my Sphere with a rod of iron. 

So, as I do what it is I can do at this time, which is to mostly sit in frustration at the slowness of reaping the rewards of a work whose aim is poised towards success. To let the work have an accumulative effect each and every day. To never stray from the goal, which is the enrichment of life, liberty and love. All that denied my ancestors. I will succeed. I will jump and suddenly be atop the mountain. 

Goat said that all were liars. I create truth. I manifest reality. I am Hermes and I walk between the gods and men.

Then let him not fall exhausted, although he might have been ten thousandfold the human; but that which floodeth him is the infinite mercy of the Genitor-Genetrix of the Universe, whereof he is the Vessel.
— Liber A'Ash
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