Since Aaron initiated into the Sphere of Jupiter on May 24th, things have been heating up here in Mars Hill. If you have been listening to the podcast lately, you have heard that I have been overwhelmed with "dirty" dreams. Lots and lots of dirt all centered around the gnome altar Aaron built under the barn behind the house. It is becoming clear that it will soon be time to find a connection with the Archangel Sachiel and take the next step on this path.
First, let me go back to January 2017 and give you a brief history on what had led to today. For 3 days and 3 nights I was woken up and bothered by the name Ashen Chassan. At the time, I had little of idea about who he was and only heard his name in passing from Aaron a time or two. I thought I was crazy, but finally gave up and told Aaron that I was hearing his name. In usual Aaron fashion, he said, "Hmm" and that was the end of it. Shortly after, Aaron bought Chassan's book, Gateways Through Light & Shadow and had eye-opening revelations about his own personal journey with Goat. That spurred him on to invite Chassan on Ctw on March 24, 2017. After recording, I started to read about Chassan's work with Anael. I had been going through some deeply personal struggles the week prior that I did not want to discuss with Aaron, which would have taken his focus off of the show with Chassan. When I read the words Anael spoke, it was as if I could hear her voice speaking them. I began to weep, but couldn't put the book down. I felt loved, warm, peaceful, broken, but renewed, and inspired. I was so moved, I wrote Frater Chassan the next day. He was gracious enough to read and respond with such kindness and heartfelt gratitude. Thank you again, sir. That experience changed me and to this day, when I reflect, I feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of her name, Anael.
Fast forward to last night's dream that, if heeded, will change the state of my relationship with Aaron and bring us both to a deeper level in this spiritual journey.
Dream 5/28 (3:15 am awoke)
The start of this dream is with me opening my eyes and I am in the ground at ground level. My first vision is of the back of the house.
My nose and mouth are below the surface of the dirt, but I can breathe just fine and I’m just looking around at nature. In front of me and all around me I see potting soil and Perlite. I look to my right and there is Aaron, but he’s not Aaron, he’s a mushroom. He’s tall, bright white and strong-looking. His whole body is white, even the underneath of his cap was beautifully ribbed white. His face is just eyes, nose and a mouth toward the top of the mushroom and the cap is his hat, which protects him from the rain and elements. He is looking at the house and not moving or talking. The sun is out, but a bit overcast. The sky is blue and the clouds are a bright white.
The dirt is all over the back and right side of the house, but not on the left side of the house.
The left side to the front of the house (that I can see anyway) is grass.
I hear lots of little voices. They are happy and chattering to each other. I cannot remember what they are saying or if it’s even relevant to me, but they are chirping along. I then realize that the voices are coming from the other plants and mushrooms planted all around the dirt.
I emerge a little bit more from the ground, face above the dirt now and realize that I am a mushroom too! I felt happy and content and thought how cool it was that I was a mushroom!
Then Aaron turns toward me and starts talking to me about how I’m not doing the right things. (I remember telling Aaron when I first woke up that he was mad at me because we were not “painting ourselves right and it was going to ruin everything”. After being awake, I am unsure what that meant-painting ourselves.) I cannot remember the exact verbiage he used but he kept telling me that I did not do what the plan was and we both lost our chance and everything went badly. I knew in my dream it had to do with my job. I knew immediately, at that moment, that Aaron and I had not been communicating properly and it was too late to make a change. I noticed the more upset he got the browner his flesh became. He was not angry and yelling, but hurt and disappointed. He knew we were going to die and it would be my fault because I didn’t trust the plan.
Then very quickly a huge male hand came down, wrapped it’s fingers around me and picked me. The sky turned black and dark. Right before I left the ground I screamed the name “Tony!”. I saw Aaron’s face, full of devastation and I screamed bloody murder, which caused both of us to wake up.
When I woke up, I turned the light on and looked at Aaron who was laying next to me panting a bit. His face was blotchy red in spots and pale white in others. I felt terrible because I knew that I not only scared him awake, but shook him up harder than I had before. Worse yet, I had no idea why I screamed in the first place.
I tried to tell him about the dream, but I don’t know how much sense it made. I closed my eyes to attempt sleep and couldn't. I felt afraid, but turned the light off. I felt myself drift off a bit and then heard the name Sachiel. I kept hearing the name over and over again, similarly to how I heard Ashen Chassan over a year ago.
I jumped to Google to read about Sachiel, but knew I needed to read Chassan’s experience and nothing else would compare.
I finally fell asleep around 6am. In my thoughts, I realized a few things:
-I screamed because I was going to die from being picked.
-If Aaron and I would have communicated better, I would have followed the plan and we both would have lived.
-I felt a connection to the ground and all the plants and mushrooms around us as living, breathing beings.
-And about me screaming, I realized that this is a journey both of us are on. We both have to accept the good and the bad of it. Me screaming in the middle of the night is sadly part of the journey that I cannot help, control, nor change at this time. Worrying about it causes stress, but screaming causes him stress. Therefore, we have to reach an impasse and know that in time, this will work itself out. Growth will bring understanding in both of us, which will hopefully settle these experiences. Hope is alive so we both will continue to charm the water together.