I’ve moved through a lot of meta-narratives in my time - and if you knew what I started out with, you would know what it has cost me. Remember that - there is a big price to pay, and this world will take it out of you, will punish you for your arrogance to dare to seek answers, and to especially dare to not find the ones provided to be satisfactory.
Everywhere I look I see people at different levels of perception and understanding. Most common philosophies and ideologies I’ve visited at one time or another- generally through my delusion of being a Christian apologist at one point - or I at least have a basic knowledge of, or at least know enough to know to have never bothered with it in the first place, case in point being... well... nevermind - whatever I say will be sure to offend some poor soul that was at present receiving sustenance from that very thing.
The discerning among us know how rare it is to own discernment. Maybe this is what old age is. Seeing much more than everyone else does. Knowing more and being unable to persuade anyone of it, or even think of a reason to attempt doing so. Absolute futility, because you know that even though your depth has increased by leagues, you still don’t know shit, and that’s humbling. Pretending to know everything was a puerile phase, and we are glad we moved through it. We don’t have anything to prove with big words and fumbled happy accident neologisms.
We, who have seen some shit, we watch everyone run from book to book, from podcast to podcast, from role model to role model, all desperately searching for all the answers.
These are my people. I am impatient with them, cruel to them, but it’s because I care. I’m a Capricorn. I’m trying to get people out of the field of the grazing herds and set upon the mountain trails.
Let me tell you what I despise: I despise people who have either never begun searching, accepting unquestioningly what they were told to believe from childhood, finding the answers posited to a child in a child’s language satisfactory for life; and I especially despise the people who have stopped searching, thinking that after all their questing they have earned some badge of wisdom for time put in, and so settle into a nice aclove on the trail and hang out a guru sign.
More than anyone else the latter have been fitted with human blinders. I know what I’m talking about here. I’ve seen that ooze scene that Neo wakes up in within the Matrix. Except it’s not ooze, it’s earth, dirt, and there are magical bindings. I recently had one removed from my mouth and that’s why there has been an evolutionary jump in my ability to use language as form to clothe esoteric truths - that is if you are existing in or around my level of consciousness, of perception of forms, of evolved experiential understanding.
By putting out a podcast I cannot help but to attract people who have risen to the same planes of consciousness that I traverse. I am no high wizard - not yet anyway. I recognize that there are those around me that I cannot recognize through their worldly attachments, i.e. those things the ego adorns itself with, distorting the perceptions with notions of cultural and societal identity.
There is a reason Diogenes of Sinope became Diogenes of Sinope. He was nothing else. No-thing. He shit in a barrell, masturbated in a barrell, and shunned notions of cultural and societal identity. True adepts always will do this, will always find liminality and will live there. The Gandalfs of the world will always seem to the world as deranged beggars, too foolish to live correctly in life. Diogenes picked a public place for his kennel - and that is key.
We must show the world. Not teach the world. Show. Show with words, with song, with art, with ourselves. You can’t do that while stuck up some dick-head-with-a-podcast-and-book’s asshole, trying to squeeze into the cultural movement they are selling the shit out of. Terence McKenna said culture is not your friend. It promises to sell you an identity and can never deliver. They all are liars. Becoming is an unraveling into no-thingness. Into pure consciousness. Not into an “expert” that gives everyone and their grandma a “how to” course.